NASA initiative

I want to congratulate the Bush administration on it's bold plan to fuck America to the moon.

Urgent!

Demons are untying my shoes!
In the last 3 days I have noticed a dramatic, some would say catastrophic, increase in the frequency
with which I have to tie my shoes.
This is NOT a joke.
I'm tying them literally 6+ times a day.
Yes, I'm using double-knots.
Yes, I'm pulling hard.
What the HELL!
What government or world organization should I contact?
Does the U.N. handle this sort of thing?

Go Pats!

I've got footballs fever!
I could paint myself or something, have a big party or something, but instead I'm supporting the Patriots by purchasing a novelty shower curtain.
It's called "Crazy Squares"!

Political junk mail Madlib

Dear Ken,
I don't need to tell you that it's getting harder and harder to [cling to a dingy] these days. It seems like the cost of everything from [optical tweezers] to a [trout growler] is going up and that the world keeps getting more complicated.
The worst part about it is that our [Weebles] in [Skunktown] don’t seem to get it.
That’s why I’m emailing you today.
We all know there’s an important [lunar landing] this year. We have a real chance of [filling our pants] and [cloning] [Aretha Franklins] who will ensure we all have access to affordable [bingo balls], a [hydroelectric dam] that [powers] a [suicidal midget drone], and a secure [Mongolia].