New planet in our system

There has been a new planet discovered in our solar system.
This makes 10.
Ok, terrestrials here's the lineup and a comparison of sizes...
. Mercury
. Venus
. Earth
. Mars
O Jupiter
o Saturn
o Uranus
o Neptune
. Pluto
. This new one
Someday this will mean something to most people, right now I'm not sure most folks even know which planet they're on.
Hint: It's the third one.

OK, knock it off

Stop having so many babies.
Everyone, please.
Yes, you there!
Put that thing away - you're killing me.

Painting partner

One thing you do not want to hear from your painting partner in the other room is...
"Do you have a special tool to get my head out of this bucket?"

Nor, when asked to explain what would prompt such behavior, do you want your partner responding...
"I got thirsty."

Boo-boos

If you're going to hang closet doors and drive a deck screw through your thumb nail make sure to use the fine thread screws, the coarse thread ones don't hold as well.

Spacemen from Banana River

According to an article about the postponed launch of the space shuttle,
"About 10 miles from the launch site along the Banana River, scores of shuttle watchers ..."
Banana River?
We launch our spacecraft, our embassadors to the cosmos from Banana River.

We are contacted aboard the space station by aliens, perhaps millions of years more evolved than we are.
We then have to explain that
"We just arrived...
after leaving...
from Banana River.
Down there. See it?"

This is how it happens.
Judging us harshly, the aliens instantly turn all humans inside out like so many kernels of popcorn.
They move on.

Volatile Organic Clompounds

Thank goodness there is no harmful fumes released from latex paint.
Still though, they are stinky.
I'm feel like something is wrong central with my nervous system or brain but am also dizzy and a little woozy.
I'm lie down on the floor until tomorrow later.

Saturn is spinning more slowly?

In a BBS News article on findings of the Cassini probe.
"And Saturn is rotating seven minutes more slowly than when probes measured its spin in the 70s and 80s - an observation experts cannot yet explain."
If this isn't an error in measurements taken by Pioneer and Voyager(s) then this is the wierdest damn thing I've heard of in quite a while.
It IS NOT my fault. I never touched it.

I hate horses

This guy hates horses even more than me.
http://horsehater.blogspot.com/
Thanks to Steve for this one.

Sleepy Vader