Bug

WORST FILM EVER
I'm not kidding at all.
This is the absolute worst movie I have ever seen.
I've seen crap from India, Spain, Italy...so many terrible American films it boggles the mind, and I've paid to see them. I like most movies, I really do.

So sayeth the Bird

God appeared to me today in the form of a really scruffy looking red robin with a bright green worm in it's beak.
It looked right at me in the Burger King parking lot and told me to vacuum my car and not worry about the yard.
"The yard is just the space between your house and car" it said, "you spend seconds a day out there and nobody clearly cares in your neighborhood anyway."
I told it that I don't believe in god and it indicated that wasn't central to the argument.
"Look at the floormats! Take it from me, I live in a nest full of my own shit but that Civic looks like a dried up turd on a bad road."

New Colangelo discovered by astronomers

My lovely wife Sue has decided to accept my four-syllable name and is now officially Sue Colangelo - at least according to the DMV and the Social Security Administration.
I am the last in the Colangelo line and will not be having any children so she is the absolutely last new Colangelo that there will ever be.
Thanks to my prolific sisters however there are numerous Colangelo-esque children operating under different last names.
Jennifer, Sarah, Tristan, Dan, Kenneth and Eric all carry on the spirit (if not the actual name) and will presumably provide ample family-style chaos and anti-establishment subversion well into the late 21st century. Based on advice from climatologists I'm suggesting they start practicing Waterworld-style survival skills in the swimming pool right away.

Delirious

Food and provisions running low, landed in New Jersey.
Took ground transport north to Hartford.

Note to self.
Good names for band:
Balsamic Orchestra
Balsamic Wedgie

2 days at sea, no sight of land

Janet from Pittsburgh, you cackling harpy!
BINGO indeed!
Numerical ping-pong balls have you no love?
Perforated cards I stab at thee!

On the other hand, major props to the central Atlantic. A little cloudy but a constant 80 degrees and just enough swell to turn the swimming pools into wave tanks. Nice.

From the Atlantic Ocean

As I sit here on the beautiful beach in St. Maarten it occurs to me that zombies really are much better than vampires.
Vampires are like "theater people".
Spending all their time getting snappy leather and latex outfits, expensive sunglasses and novelty contact lenses. Hanging out in sexy rave clubs.
All about presentation.
Zombies, not so much with the presentation, are all work.
They don't care if they're cool or sexy, they're just here to do a job...eat people.
We're like cafeteria food. We aren't that tasty, they don't really even enjoy us but we fill them up.

And, oh yeah, the "Head Vampire" thing.
Kill him/her and it's all over?!

This is clearly no way to run a railroad.

Vacations DO bring clarity to everyday life.

Not that I'm a betting man but...

Israeli airstrikes on Iranian nuclear facilities?
Anyone giving odds?

Live and learn

I'm informed by those closest to me that my left shoulder smells like mustard.
The plain yellow kind.
I would like to apologize to all of you for this lapse in judgement.