Benefits of age

Now that I'm almost 40 and married I can't wait for my Accidental Enslavement premiums to finally go down.

Colangeloco's Ballistic Package Express

In light of successful U.N. efforts to fight dry skin among the impoverished* I've given up on marketing the S-99 Homeless Hydrator.

*Moisturizer use up 15.2% in Q2 2007 to 68.9%

Improvements in GPS-guided munitions have finally moved my dream of ballistic package delivery from science fiction to science fact!
I'm proud to announce the beginning of intercontinental on-the-hour package delivery service to all targets within 4000 miles of the equator starting in June of 2009.
This new system will stand on the shoulders of those who've gone before, from recent breakthroughs in superconductor technology to the lessons learned by Saddam Hussein in his aborted attempt at constructing a long-range package "super gun" to improve relations with Israel.
Imagine a world where a package can be delivered by computer targeted railgun to any destination on earth in 20 minutes! Exiting and then re-entering earth's atmosphere at hypersonic velocities to land outside the home of the targeted customer with minimal collateral damage! Accurate to within 1 meter, these GPS-guided delivery munitions will revolutionize the extreme high-end of parcel delivery and dovetail perfectly with the go-go world of internet shopping!
I want to thank my partners: Paypal, eBay, Amazon, The Gartner Group, they've all underwritten my experiments and kindly provided sizable out-of-court settlements to those negatively impacted by beta versions of the test cannon located at the equator on Baker Island.

It's not stopping

Going on 20 minutes now. Oh, he's tough, he's really going to convince this poor girl.

"Blind rage? Alls I know is that in boxing someone hit me right on the nose and I stumbled back and like it's just this hate comes over me, I can't be held responsible for what I do."

"If you leave me alone I will be nice to you, if you attack me I'm going to drop you like a sack of potatoes."

Well, he may or may not have mad fighting skills, but he's definitely nutty as a fruitcake.

"One had a large stick, he's like 'you need to pay the toll for being here'. I'm strong but I can't stop a full force swing of a bat. It was over from then."

I think I'm going to have to go out and just punch this guy in the neck to see what he's really got.

Tough dude

He's pacing around talking about how he punched this guy this one time.
In great detail, for 15 minutes now.

"He's like pow-pow-pow, you know?...

One thing I learned about head-butts, it's forehead to the middle fo the face,
the middle of the forehead is the strongest part of the human body...

In my earlier years my fighting skills were very animalistic - biting, kicking, gouging, anything to get the guy off me...

Excessive force, yeah, I got a warning for it from my counselor. They put me in recreational boxing and I learned how to box...

I retired a heavyweight. 30 fights, never defeated."

I have never heard a more Napoleon Dynamite load of drivel in my life.
I wonder if he hunts wolverines?
Absolutely nothing he's saying is true. At ALL.
He's a stuttering geeky guy, like 5' 3", 150 pounds, with a gut.

Oh, my God! He's at it again.

"He was like dude, 'you're an ass'. So I did as I was trained and BAP! He was out for a good fifteen minutes."

New CRX?

Some rumors have started that a new CRX might be in the works, it's called the CR-Z.
1. It will never make it to market
2. If it does, it will look nothing like this
3. If it does, it will be super heavy and have a 400hp motor that gets 15MPG
4. Honda, if you make this the way I want it, I will send you a gonad

Cellular Telegraph - STOP - Send Help - STOP

Things to do today:
Encapsulate Full-Mouth Radiographs and Intraoral Photos in Rich/Foamy Text Document
Coordinate Motivational Speaker Stereopticon Edit for External Website and Flashcards
Hand-off Digital Moviola Masters to Foot Courier
Preserve All Originals - Petrified, Thawed, Fresh
Collate and Scanify Foundation Dinner Keynote Address Cellulose Photograms

You know what they say, there aren't enough 30-degree increments on the chronoptomoscope!
Ha!

Rage dump

I apologize for the brusque tone of the previous post.
In fact, corporations have always been very kind to me.
After surviving over 10 rounds of layoffs in my several jobs I now realize it was only done to help me, as a survivor, build self-sufficiency and character. I am still often paralyzed with character and need to take Zoloft.
My old employers always provided health care for only slightly greater expense than I could purchase it myself.
They always let me know that it was OK to come in early and leave late, that was part of being a member of "the family". It's amazing how a group of individuals can come together and, under the toughest of circumstances, form a group composed entirely of individuals. Order from chaos you might say.
And the parties they would throw! Wow, mandatory fun, what a bunch of silly goofs!
And hey kids, if management stays focused on profitability "like a laser" then we'll all benefit -
I can pay for psych meds and the hair-brained manager, working 10 hours a week, can buy a custom Hummer that their horses can drive to private school.

Great job!

Hey, idiot, get this down on paper!
I just want to take this opportunity to energetically criticize every detail and then withdraw someplace where you can't contact me. You don't work for me and I will be making unspecific demands of you without justification. Also, I will be too busy to engage any questions about my orders and there's no one associated with me that can offer clarification.
I'll be vacationing for the next month, starting now, so if you have any issues about tomorrow's production schedule it will have to wait until I get back - at which point you will have proceeded independently. I will be angry about this and contact your superior.
What were you thinking!

Corporations blow.
Long live the State!