Simple misunderstanding

After extensive experience it occurs to me, only now, that there is a substantial difference between...
The Half Moon Sober Festival
and
The Half Sober Moon Festival.
I apologize to any folks in recovery that I may have offended with my "display".

Another dollar

There is another button on your alarm clock.
When the clock goes off in the morning you can press the button and you will skip forward in time to 5:00 P.M.
You will learn and experience nothing.
You will age 8 hours as usual but perceive no time passing.
Zap! It's quitting time.
You still get paid.
How often will you press the button?
Will you press it tomorrow, Monday morning, when you get up?

Hoboken! Oooo, I'm dyin' again!

The penguin of winter has woken me from dreamy slumber...



...and taken a big crap on me.

Toothless Wookies and Worthless Turkeys

Mistuh Prez-oh-dent, where do I get a job?
Seriously, I need a job.
Can I pay credit cards with cat poop?

Seattle Seahawks: Seismically challenged

They are from a more seismically active area than Pittsburgh and therefore lost.
It's just a fact.
I'm not trying to put down the Steelers but they do have the advantage of living in an area almost totally free of earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis.
Oh, and mud and debris flows, and lahars.
It's not even really a fair game when you have to play a bunch of privileged mid-continental asswipes.

Solid, liquid, gas, plasma and...

The stuff stuck to the bottom of my left shoe is this sort of Bose-Einstein condensate.
I *HAVE* been keeping my left show in a laser cooler...
..and...yes...I *WAS* making optical mollases out of rubidium.

Maybe I can use a spatula or spatulae to scrape it off.

Steve, you ARE the expert on this application...do you have anything to contribute?
Here's all you need to know about the non-spatula(e) issues.
http://www.colorado.edu/physics/2000/bec/

This just in: Ow!

I hurt my hand.
Don't worry, I'll be okay.
I'll tell ya, I don't even feel the fingers anymore.
Ooooch.

6 blades: New national imperative

2 blades, 3 blades, 4 blades...
holy shit!

5 blades.
This thing is so totally going to shave my fucking face that I will probably die!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9340767/

The "Fusion" aspect may not be a good idea. (?)
You've got all kinds of lymph nodes in your neck.

By the way, top four biggest sources of US imported oil...
Canada, Mexico, Nigeria, Venezuela?
Is that right?
The mid-east provides about 20% of our oil?

Once again, I propose that the best mid-east doctrine is to ignore them.
Completely.