5.1 sounds nice

I finally hootched up my additional speakers for my little home theater.
Added a center and two rear little cube dealies.
No sound in the center, why? :-(
I then bothered to figure out that my PC was only putting out left and right. I enabled the SPDIF 5 channel digital output and yikes!
Now I can hear the dialog.
That's the word sounds...
...that come from the beige and brown animals.
I wonder what they're saying?
Not much fur on those critters.
Gotta get cold for them out in this snow.
More snow, fluffy and white.
Four more inches by early tonight. :-)
Where do I put it?
Maybe someone in hell would like it.

Blizzard of now

Snizow! 18 inches of snizow on the grizound!
Plus it's colder than a well-diggers chicken.
-0.5 degrees with 50 mile per hour winds, blowing snow 18 inches deep!
That's Connecticut flava!
Also, Charles Nelson Reilly is from here...

He was on Match Game.

No degrees

There's no more 'F's in this here thermometer.
Zeeero.

Actually, it's -0.5F.

Try this experiment:
Pour a glass of water.
Place it in the refridgerator for 1/2 hour.
Take the glass outside into the middle of a large hard surface, such as a parking lot.
Throw the water straight up into the air as hard as you can.
By the time it reaches the ground you will be an ice cold idiot.

Repeat.

Speed demon

You're matching my speed exactly and giving me the stinkeye, so apparently you want to race on the interstate. (?!)
However, you're driving a lowered American performance sedan with your kids STUFFED ANIMALS on the rear deck.
Really.
Look back there "G".
:-(

Yes, your ride is "turbo".
I would go so far as to admit that it is "money".
"I have been have properly served", I think, as you finally blast away down the right lane.
My departing thought will, however, be this...
Are those YOUR dollies?

Make sure to check that sh*t before you leave the house. It's silly.

Wrestling the president

Winning the war on...BAM!...Headlock!
So the election was an endorsement of our current invasion policy?
It's probably illegal to visualize, in great detail, putting the president in a Full Nelson?
Steve? Pile Driver?

There's no 'U' in winning

In dramatic contradiction to their research on viruses and bacteria as sources of mortality, the CDC announced today that the film Elektra, starring Jennifer Garner, is the cause of almost all death in humans and large mammals. Edwin Moinst, spokesman for the CDC, announced at a press conference today that "We are still certain that some fatalities have been attributable to disease and infection but, apparently, we've been missing the big picture. Also, we know that tidal waves have killed some people."

Scrabble moving in the east...also Mordor

I am amassing a great army of braincells that specialize in Scrabble.
Otherwise useless to me, these 'thinking cells' have proven useful in the defeat of my computer on several occasions. Soon I hope to use them against the humans.
I have recently purchased books to provide these cells with increased...umm...goodness.
All of this has come at not the loss of other facilities where I used my brain was previously.
Certainly not the writing nor spoken-ing, also not memory or color seeing.
Sam Douglass of California will be among the first to face my awesome forces.

Coddled and soluble lozenges for actual somebody

What?
You heard me, coddled and soluble lozenges for actual somebody.
This must be part of the new laser SETI I've heard about.
These junk email message titles are amazing.
Why would I read a message with such a title? Is there advertising research that indicates I might me seduced in this fashion?

"The high-debt/34-39/white/suburban/male demo is all up into coddled and soluble lozenges."

"Don't you mean soluable, with an A?"

"No, stay with me...soluble. Something that can be solubbed?
Like, up your you-know-what. *wink* See?"

"No. But...how are they coddled?"

"Not literally! It's a metaphor...or an acronym. It makes sense."

"I'm completely on board with it being for an actual somebody."

Perhaps SETI should be sending messages instead of receiving. "Send help." might be a good start.

Show snovelling

Once again the snow comes.
It wasn't white this time but a sort of cyan color.
I suspect my friend Steve may be dumping toner on my property.
It makes good snowmen though.

Constant sorrow

Has anyone EVER been to Alabama or Kentucky?
I've never heard of anyone.
They are on maps.

Oh, Democratic party, don't forget to get a candidate next time that is from the south.
That way he'll get enough of the vote in "God, Guns, and Gays" states to flip the election.
See how that works?
Make sure he twangs.

Delicious

The great thing about contact lenses is they absorb the flavor of whatever you cook them with.

Big Juju

I have this pain in my foot.
I knew I shouldn't have given voodoo dolls as Christmas presents.
Escpecially not of myself.

Ow! My neck.

Scandal

In what promises to be another in a never-ending chain of scandals involving people having sex,
I wish to announce that I've had non-consentual sexual relations with everyone in the following areas.

Not dead

Despite having seen Ocean's Twelve, I am not dead.
I had heard that it caused death but I found that it only slowed my breathing.
I found it enjoyable and warm in the theater and my Cherry Coke tasted a little like PineSol - which I like. The three other people in the audience seemed distracted by the movie and were not responsive to my hollered comments about "liking a woman with a little meat on her bones." You know what I mean right? Anyway, I threw my shoe and hit one of them in the throat but, like I said, they seemed to be watching the movie the whole time.

Who's in there?

Man, don't ever look down your throat with a flashlight when you're sick.
Now I know why doctors get paid so much.
Lordy.

Hysterical weeping

The flag is always at half mast these days.
No, don't check your fly.
I mean the US flag.
It seems like it didn't used to be, even during the 1st Iraq war.
I always considered a lowered flag to be the equivalent of America weeping.
Weeping all the time is hysterical weeping and indicates a mental disorder of some kind.
Plus if we're so weepy about every soul lost in combat why do we send folks into harms way for such stupid reasons.
Bring them home, screw the middle-east, and put the flag back up.
Stop blubbering. It's embarrassing.
And America, stop wiping your nose on me. Use a Kleenex damnit!

Is this how we want it?

F***in' everywhere

So watch out citizens, there's f***in' ice, f***in' everywhere.
You'll fall and bust you gonzombi. (gahn-zome-bee)

Also, if you're a giant bat, with say...uhhh...a 12-foot wingspan (?)...
...yeah, if that's you, I won't be needing any dreams like that anymore.
Good job though.

After waking at 3AM, my hair measures 2.8 on the Richter scale.
You can sort of feel that there's something happening,
but it doesn't knock stuff over.

So they tell me

Hoping that they are right I will post here to this blog.