MC Squared's self-titled debut album entitled "E"

OK Einstein, I'm calling you out!
I got a C in physics and even I can't understand your nutty shit.

E=mc²

What the hell is the square of a velocity anyway?
186,000 miles per second times itself = 186,000 miles per second per second?
So that's an acceleration?
Is the square of a velocity an acceleration?
That's madness!
Answer me!

OK, if we annihilate a mass of 1 gram it should produce enough energy to accelerate 1 gram to the speed of light in 1 second?
Did I stutter? Am I missing something!?*
But relativity indicates you'd need an infinite amount of energy to accelerate anything to the speed of light.
!?
I'm outraged!

Plus, you're the knucklehead who made up the whole "can't accelerate to c" thing anyway - and that pisses me off because I don't like people placing limits on me and then telling me it's an immutable property of the universe.
Fuck you, I'm going to do it anyway!
Watch!
*straining noise*
OK, I think I pooped a little but I'm still not going the speed of light.
Damn you and your rules anyway!

Also, if we solve for c then c=√(m/E) right?
What's that shit!
Huh?

*probably everything